Microfiction Revision: My Dog Mackie

100-Word Story (Before)

 I see her wiggling her whole body before I even open the door, excitement overwhelming her. I turn the knob, opening the door, and she springs up on me, whining and begging me to pet her! Oh, how I've missed this dog! The one that doesn't even know how to wag her tail, the one that never gets tired of greeting me when I come to visit. I miss her cuddles, her neverending playfulness, and her spastic energy. I miss having something comforting to hold when I'm sad. But the separation is always worth it for these sweet, sweet reunions. 

Personal photo of Mackie with her favorite toy, a milk jug tied to a rope (April 2016).

2-Sentence Story (Before)

I miss my dog more than anything—that ball of fur whose excitement and energy never fail to make me smile. Parting is such sweet sorrow, but our reunions are the sweetest thing of all. 

Author's Note: I wanted to write about my dog, Mackie, because I only get to see her when I go home to visit my parents and I've really missed having her around during the pandemic. The first story is descriptive, illustrating how she acts every time I see her. The second story is simply a condensed version of the first.

100-Word Story (After)

I see her wiggling her whole body before I even open the door, excitement overwhelming her. I turn the knob, opening the door, and she springs up on me, whining and begging me to pet her! 

Oh, how I've missed this dog! The one that doesn't even know how to wag her tail, the one that never gets tired of greeting me when I come to visit. 

I miss her cuddles, her neverending playfulness, and her spastic energy. I miss having something comforting to hold when I'm sad. But the separation is always worth it for these sweet, sweet reunions. 

Personal photo of Mackie with her favorite toy, a milk jug tied to a rope (April 2016).

2-Sentence Story (After)

I miss my dog more than anything—that ball of hair whose excitement and energy never fail to make me smile. Parting is such sweet sorrow, but our reunions are the sweetest thing of all. 

Revision Notes: I changed the title from "Puppy Fever" to something that I think is more relevant, "My Dog Mackie." I honestly liked the wording of my 100-word story, so I basically just changed the paragraph structure for my revision. The only thing I changed about my 2-sentence story was replacing the word "fur" with "hair" because it seems more accurate.