Microfiction Revision: Two Tales of Ramen
100-Word Story (Before)
Last night I made some ramen with toppings, too. I boiled some water to make the noodles and two soft-boiled eggs. I marinated and cooked some chicken breasts. I chopped some green onion. I combined some seasoning in a bowl. Then, I created my dish. First, I added the noodles to the sauce and mixed them. Second, I placed the chicken on top of the noodles. Third, I added the rest of the toppings: the soft-boiled egg, corn, green onion, and sesame seeds. I tried to make it look pretty like at the restaurants. It wasn't perfect, but it'll do.
Personal photo of the ramen I made last night.
2-Sentence Story (Before)
Last night I made some ramen with fancy toppings, too. It wasn't as good as it could've been, but it'll do.
Author's Note: I've really missed going to restaurants this year, so I tried to make restaurant-style ramen last night. The 100-word story illustrates the lengthy process I undertook to make the ramen, while the 2-sentence story is more of an abbreviated version that doesn't highlight the ingredients of the dish.
100-Word Story (After)
Last night I made some ramen with traditional toppings. I boiled some water to make the noodles and two soft-boiled eggs, I pan-fried some chicken breasts, I chopped some green onion, and I combined some seasoning in a bowl. Then, I created my dish. First, I added the noodles to the sauce and coated them with it. Second, I placed the chicken on top of the noodles. Third, I added the rest of the toppings: the soft-boiled egg, corn, green onion, and some sesame seeds. I tried to make it look pretty (restaurant-style)—it wasn't perfect, but it was good.
Personal photo of the ramen I made last night.
2-Sentence Story (After)
Last night I made some ramen with fancy traditional toppings. It needs some practice, but it was good.
Revision Notes: I focused on making my 100-word story flow a little better by changing the punctuation of several sentences, and I made a few word-choice tweaks. For the 2-sentence story, I mostly changed the second sentence, in order to mimic my revised 100-word story more.
Hey Katie, after reading your microfiction I might have to order some food! I really liked your in depth look into making the ramen. The 2 sentence story was very catchy and let an impression with your choice of making it rhyme. You did a great job revising the 100 word story. The first was a little choppy and sounded forced. But you did what you had set out to do by changing words and punctuation to improve the flow. Great job!
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